中国学生最熟悉的一个写作句式可能是:With the development of society… 不管是什么主题的作文,一定会有人用这个句子来开头。
但我强烈建议你避开这个句式,因为它过于宽泛、缺乏具体信息,没有真正说明是社会的哪个方面在发展,以及这种发展如何具体影响我们讨论的主题。
换句话说,这是一个“废话句式”,其包含的信息量为零,去掉完全不影响句子意思。
举个例子,我看到有同学写:With the development of society, the Internet has changed our lives a lot.
这个句子是经不起推敲的,因为“社会的发展”究竟指的是什么?是科技发展,经济发展,还是思想观念的发展?我们不得而知。
另外一个问题是“社会的发展”和“互联网改变了我们的生活”,两者并没有逻辑上的联系,它们放在一起会显得很奇怪。
也就是说,with the development of society这个句式提供不了任何有价值的信息。
改写的思路是让句子更加“具体化”,而不是泛泛而谈。
实际上,你去观察外教的范文会发现,他们往往写得很具体,不会用空话套话来凑字数。
比如对于上面的句子,如果我们要强调互联网技术的发展,可以说:
The rapid advancement of information and communication technologies, particularly the rise of the Internet, has profoundly reshaped our life.
如果我们要说明日常生活中具体有哪些方面被改变,则可以说:
The widespread adoption of the Internet over the past few decades has revolutionized how we communicate, access information, and conduct business.
再举个例子:With the development of society, environmental pollution has become a serious problem.
这个句子隐含“社会发展”是环境污染的原因,但这过于笼统。因为环境污染是多种因素的结果,比如工业化、城镇化以及政策不完善等,而不是简单的“社会发展”。
解决办法仍然是将句子写得更加具体,比如可以说:
While industrialization and rapid urbanization have fueled economic growth, they have often come at the cost of severe environmental degradation, including air and water pollution.
此外,我们还可以用其他说法来代替with the development of society,推荐一个很好用的句式:
We live in an era characterized by…
其中characterize是一个动词,意思是“以……为特征,以……为典型”。
比如:The city is characterized by tall modern buildings in steel and glass. 这座城市的特点是钢铁和玻璃建造的现代化高楼大厦林立。
We live in an era characterized by… 意思相当于“我们生活在一个以……为标志的时代”。
比如美亚一本图书就有这样的编辑介绍:We live in an era characterized by a frenetic pace, constant commitments and a continuous flow of information.
我们可以用这一句式来改写with the development of society,使之更为具体。
举个例子,With the development of society, the Internet has changed our lives a lot. 句子可以改写为:
We live in an era characterized by ubiquitous internet connectivity, a powerful influence that has transformed daily life and global interactions.
又比如句子:With the development of society, environmental pollution has become a serious problem. 可以改写为:
We live in an era characterized by unsustainable production and consumption patterns, which have led to widespread environmental degradation.
其他的句子也可以按照这一思路改写,核心是让句子变得更加具体和明确,减少空话套话。
