一年前的今天。

2022年冬奥会。
男单个人赛的前一天晚上。

我像往常一样进行比赛压力管理流程，进行可视化分析，为我期待已久的人生的决定性时刻做准备。我正坐在床上，沉浸在可视化分析之中，这时美国奥委会打电话通知我新冠测试结果呈阳性。

首先袭来的是震惊，但还有一种巨大的知行失调，我的大脑告诉我，我应该在比赛前一晚做最后的准备工作，但我的身体却在独立运作，收拾行李箱、被救护车送往隔离处，犹如一个废弃的箱子被送往垃圾场。

当遭遇极端的事情之时，人会自我封闭并进入一种超然的机器人状态，因为事先缺乏如何在这样的情形下运作的启发式方法？这就是我的感觉。我不得不反反复复地把自己拉回到眼前的现实，因为每每闭上眼睛，好像我仍然还在奥运村的房间里做我的可视化分析。

我试着把自己的想法录下来，强迫自己去处理。结果我在镜头前坐了两个多小时，因为每次我一开口，发出的都是支离破碎的声音。最后发出来的帖子我录了17遍。

我的家人、朋友、团队和成千上万的互联网上的陌生人向我倾注了如此之多的友爱与支持，虽然我仍然感到极度的孤独，但这不是大家的错。

这只是我正在撰写的一个故事的其中一部分，讲述我在冬奥会期间和之后的旅程。今天，回首往事，我依然感到伤口愈合的钝痛、以及未愈合伤口的尖锐刺痛。然而，我也感觉到，我失去的部分被重新填满了，因为我尽力用人生意义和目标追求来填补之后的黑暗时光，从奋力拼搏赢得我的第二枚世锦赛奖牌，再到与我的奥运队友们一起巡回演出，留下终生难忘的记忆。我很感激我所征服的所有逆境，无论多么困难或痛苦，因为没有这些，我就不会成为今天的我。
1 year ago, today.

2022 Winter Olympics.
Night before the men’s individual event.

I was going through my competition pressure management routine, performing visualizations and preparing for what I anticipated to be my life’s defining moments. I was sitting on my bed, deep in visualization, when the US Olympic Committee called to inform me of my positive COVID test.

There was shock, first and foremost, but also this overwhelming cognitive dissonance, where in my head I was supposed to be doing my final preparations the night before competition but for some reason my body was operating independently, packing suitcases and being sent off in an ambulance to the quarantine facility like a discarded box to a landfill.
You know when something so bad happens that you shut down and enter a detached, robotic state because you have no previously developed heuristic for how to function in such a scenario? That’s what I felt like. I had to keep snapping myself back to the reality in front of my eyes, because every time I closed them it was to do my visualizations back in my room in the Olympic village.

I tried to film myself vocalizing my thoughts to force myself to process. I ended up sitting in front of the camera for over two hours because every time I opened my mouth, all that came out was broken sounds. The post I ended up making was my seventeenth attempt.

There was an outpouring of love and support from my family, friends, team, and hundreds of thousands of internet strangers, but at no fault of theirs I still felt utterly alone.

This is just an excerpt from a story I’m working on about my journey through and beyond the Olympics. Today, when I look back, I feel the dull ache of healing as well as the sharp sting of unclosed wounds. However, I also feel that the part of me I lost partially refilling with substance because I tried my best to fill the dark time that followed with meaning and purpose, from fighting my way up to winning my second world medal to going on tour with my Olympic teammates and making lifelong memories. I’m grateful for all the adversity I conquered, no matter how difficult or painful, for without it I would not be the person I am today.
@VincentZhou周知方冰迷会 @长石体育 #VincentZhou周知方[超话]#
#周知方[超话]#